jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
