I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
