he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
