I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
