She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
