never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
