i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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