I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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