Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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