Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
