My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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