Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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