He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
