I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
