Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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