I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
