Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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