I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
