It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
