just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
