Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
