Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize