I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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