I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
