whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
