Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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