I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
