party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
