if i can run in heels then i can drive
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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