Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
