dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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