she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
