you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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