She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
