problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
