Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
