He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
