you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
