I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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