Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im having a threesome with these popsicles
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
