god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
