if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
