CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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