you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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