I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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