I got chris browned last night
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
