I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
