Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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