i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
