Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
